nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize