no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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