Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
