when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
