It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
not ubering you a puppy
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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