im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
