I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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