Whod you bang
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You made out with two different species that night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
