i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
