Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
