im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
