i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
