You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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