im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
