Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
