well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
