i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
