i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
