it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
