sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
