I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
