I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
