I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
