She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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