What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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