omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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