I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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