we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
