I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
