I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
