i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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