well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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