her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
