I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
