I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
