I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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