just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
