You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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