I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
