you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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