Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and she was petting her beer can
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You pole danced in your parka.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
