Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
