Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
