you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
