Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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