There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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