if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
