this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
