"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
