Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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