So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
