Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
