Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
