dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
