did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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